September 22, 2005

Apprentice Blogging

Apprentice blogging will get me through this slump.

Repeat.

Apprentice blogging will get me through this slump.

So i saw the premier of Martha Stewart's Apprentice last night and it was...

Oh wait. Dawn did that already. Aw hell, just go read hers.

Best line of course was at the end when Martha tells the firee that he didn't fail, he just "didn't fully succeed." i'll have to remember that one.

Dear Father,

i regret to tell you that i'll be moving home again on account of they kicked me out of law school. Something about spending less time on the internet and more time reading cases or something like that. Anyways, the good news is i didn't fail, i just didn't fully succeed.

cordially,
a



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It Was Only A Matter Of Time...

... before somebody spoofed Bob Dylan's classic "Hurricane." Check out Mister Snitch's version. It's crazy good.

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September 21, 2005

Question 2 For The Day

What if Sacramento won a sports championship and nobody cared?

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Question 1 For The Day

What if Rita Cosby moved to MSNBC and nobody noticed?

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Wednesday Is Poetry Day

i used to read a poetry message board, where amateur poets went for affirmation. Some of the most common poems, and some of the worst, were poems about Autumn. Leaves changing color and leaves falling were favorite subjects of these poets. After about two dozen of these, you never want to read another poem about autumn again. It's almost as bad as teenage angst poetry. Well no, nothing is quite as bad as that.

The gold standard for poems about falling leaves was written by Emily Dickinson a long time ago.


Ribbons of the Year―
Multitude Brocade―
Worn to Nature's Party once

Then, as flung aside
As a faded Bead
Or a Wrinkled Pearl
Who shall charge the Vanity
Of the Maker's Girl?


Fall has always been the most introspective season for me. (While i say "introspective," some might call it "moody.") As i approach this year's equinox, i'll keep in mind Dickinson's prayer:

Besides the Autumn poets sing
A few prosaic days
A little this side of the snow
And that side of the Haze―

A few incisive Mornings―
A few Ascetic Eves―
Gone -- Mr. Bryant's "Golden Rod"―
And Mr. Thomson's "sheaves."

Still, is the bustle in the Brook―
Sealed are the spicy valves―
Mesmeric fingers softly touch
The Eyes of many Elves―

Perhaps a squirrel may remain―
My sentiments to share―
Grant me, Oh Lord, a sunny mind―
Thy windy will to bear!



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September 20, 2005

Graphic Novel Idea

i've been working on an idea for the next Great American Graphic Novel, to be written, drawn, inked and lettered by me. i suck at drawing, so that might be a problem, but i can ink, i think. My lettering skills are inconsistent, but hey, that's what they invented Comic Sans for, right?

This Great American Graphic Novel, or G.A.G.N. let's call it, will be aimed at the adult market. i plan to include lots of four letter words, sex, gratuitous violence, and women with bullet shaped titties. i'm still undecided on a title. So far, i have a couple of possibilities.

Death Marcher
Death Takes a Powder
Deadly Sin
The Deadliest Sin
Deadzine
Death-o-rama
Death in WiFi
A Dumass Way to Die
Death is for Dumasses
Kill Me Deadlily
Bicycle of Death
Mr. Killee, Killer of Genius
Hit Parade of Death
Death on a Shingle
The Dead Have No Eyeballs
Sugar Deadly
Color Me Die
Wacky Train to Deathville
The Murderer Who Liked to Kill People
Demarcation of Death
Demarcation of Death II, The Awakening
The Stoogemaster
Traffic Circle of Death
A Fine Way to Die, Wally
Dying is an Ugly Business
The Death Tram
The Death Pram
Only 45 Minutes to Deadway
More Death's A-Killin'
Take A Memo, Death
Why Do the Dead Always Die?
A Fun Time for Dying
Do We Die Now?
Did We Die Yet?
Fuck, I'm Dead!
Murder at the Circle K
Even Killers Get the Blues
Only Killers Get the Blues
Why Do Killers Get the Blues?
18" Rims of Death
For Death's Sake
The Drama Club Murders
A Dharma Death
Murder by Fiddlesticks
Deathslope
Deathslide
Deathramp
Doing a Death Right
Killer of the Dead
Killer of the Dead II, The Awakening
North Dallas Deadly, A Sports Thriller
The Killer Who Left the Toilet Seat Up
Deadly Games the Dead Play
Core of Death
The Semantics of Murder
Cubicle of the Dead
Cuticle of the Dead
The Chronic Killer
'Tis a Far Better Death
It Slices, It Dices, It Dies
Death Knoll
Death Knell

i particularly like Death Knell, but i want to save it for a mass market paperback idea i have. i'll change the name to Death Nell, and the story will involve a kick-ass girl crime scene investigator/hooker named Nell, who is also a vampire hunter. Or maybe she'll be a vampire herself, who knows. i still need to do the market research on that.

But getting back to my graphic novel idea. The working title for my G.A.G.N. is currently Statute of Limitations, which has a nice ring to it. i haven't plotted the whole story out yet, but i have the basic outline in mind. It's about a family of rabbits in space. They go around having adventures and helping people.

i also have a cover design. Wanna see it? Here it is.

Don't steal my idea.

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The Cotillion Dolls

This week's Cotillion Ball is hosted by Beth at My VRWC, Sadie at Fistful of Fortnights, Soldier's Angel Holly Aho, SondraK at Knowledge Is Power and Jody at Steal the Bandwagon. There are many pictures, go to it!

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Ooops

Was it just me, or did anyone else hear Hugh Hewitt let a bad word slip out on the radio this afternoon?

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September 19, 2005

When A Blogger Feels Like She's Down For The Count

aliliston.jpg

When a blogger feels like she's down for the count, she should:

a) pick herself up, dust herself off, start all over again;

b) finally edit and post that Kill Bill 2 symposium she's been sitting on for-fucking-ever;

c) recycle old posts;

d) realize that she'll never be quite so charming, funny and cynical all at the same time as her idols Ginger, Candace or Dawn, then give up;

or

e) two words: sex blogging.

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After Seinfeld

Are Wednesdays on ABC the best hope for a return of "Must-See TV?"

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The Return Of annika's MNF Pick

Dallas is favored by 5½ points. i'd take Dallas minus the points because they plan to honor Troy, Michael and Emmitt tonight. The Cowboys should be up for this home game and besides, the Redskins aren't going anywhere this year.

Unrelated football note: L.A. has been without a football team for what, ten years now? New Orleans doesn't even exist, but they have a football team. How embarrassing is that.

Update: Amy was at the game!

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Broussard's Soundbite Debunked

It was still one of the most difficult things to watch in the history of tv news. But the finger pointing it spawned needs to be revised.

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September 15, 2005

Skankwoman Open Comments

Brittany has a baby boy! Please use the comments to let us know what you bought the Federlines from their baby shower gift registry.

f0013.bmp

i got them the baby blue mini cuspidor from Oshkosh B'Gosh and a little tin of Baby Skoal.

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New Gun Nut Progress Report III

Here's the next in my series of novice gun reviews. This post should be subtitled "Teutonic Target Shooting, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly."

progress report

My quest for the perfect handgun to purchase started out with the 9mm Sig Sauer P226. i think you all remember how crazy i was for that gun. i'm glad it was the first pistol i ever fired because it has become the benchmark by which all others are measured. In fact Sig Sauer has reinforced my long-standing preference for Teutonic engineering. So i figured, as long as i'm test driving guns, i should check out all the German makes i can get my hands on. more...

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September 14, 2005

Light Posting

i took on a project at school that will me keep me very busy over the next several weeks, so posting will be sporadic. If you're hungry for poetry i'd suggest visiting the following fellow poetry lovers: Sarah or Sheila or Dymphna and the Baron (Get well soon, Dymphna) or CBass (The Mark Russell of the Blogosphere) or my buddy Matt or Jeff's Protein Wisdom, none of whom have any poetry posted today. However, you can always count on Hugo for great poems on Thursday. If you're coming here for a gun nut update, i should have one soon, but you might want to check out this gun quiz at Risawn's blog. (i recognized the BHP.)

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September 11, 2005

9-11-2005

9112005.jpg

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September 10, 2005

Just One More Reason i'm Glad To Be A Munuvian

Blogger has instituted a quasi-censorship program.

When a person visiting a blog clicks the "Flag?" button in the Blogger Navbar, it means they believe the content of the blog may be potentially offensive or illegal. We track the number of times a blog has been flagged as objectionable and use this information to determine what action is needed. This feature allows the blogging community as a whole to identify content they deem objectionable.
This disturbing development is totally separate from their policy regarding spam blogs. This is much more big brotherish.

Blogger excuses this quasi-censorship by referring to the "Wisdom of Crowds" concept. That's complete bullshit. They might have an argument if they gave readers the option to designate a blog as "unobjectionable." But even that would be problematic, because it's always more likely that a offended person would be motivated to click on a flag than someone who's not offended by content. You're going to see a situation where hypersensitive people or those with intolerant political viewpoints will have a kind of "hecklers veto" on blog content.

This is a bad idea, and totally goes against what i thought was Blogger's most important asset, the total freedom it gave to its users. It's also an unnecessary idea. Blog readers have always had a remedy for objectionable content they might happen upon. It's called the back button. Blogger's "Flag Button" is the blogging equivalent of yelling "Mom!" everytime your brother calls you a ninny.

If someone doesn't like what i write for instance, they can always leave a comment, or email me, and then never visit again. If i want to post a picture of my left tit, i'm glad i have the freedom to do so without becoming some kind of second class blog-citizen.

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Dad's Words Of Wisdom #417 & 417A (Corrolary)

"The purpose of union activism used to be to protect the worker. But now, the primary purpose of unions has become the weakening various target institutions.

"The Democratic party has become nothing more than a such a union, which chooses as its target the United States of America."

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September 09, 2005

Yay annika's journal Readers!

We are up to $2,150 for hurricane relief, and the TTLB Board reads over 1.3 million dollars!

If you haven't contributed yet, jump on the bandwagon!

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September 08, 2005

Open Gun Nut Comment Questions

Here's two questions i've been wondering about. i bow to your expertise, so please leave any thoughts you might have in the comments.

1. In the event of an extended period of civil unrest, when finding ammunition might become an issue, is it better to have a gun that shoots a common caliber of ammunition like 9mm, or is it better to have something that will use a less common caliber. Think of a donut shop. Normally, you'll always be able to get glazed donuts, but after the morning rush, maybe all you'd find are those disgusting brown crullers that nobody likes.

2. In the city, is it a good idea to advertise gun ownership with a sticker or say, posting a particularly good silhouette in your garage? Would this cause bad people to stay away, or would they simply watch more carefully for their chance to break in and try to steal your gun when you're out?

i will be blogging lightly for the next few days, but i'll check in to read. In the meantime, don't forget to give what you can for hurricane relief.

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